Crepe paper meal tickets – bought as a packet secured by one staple.
Da Shi Tan, the large student canteen, was for me a trial-by-fire experience. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you in a similar predicament.
Should you ever find yourself in a Chinese canteen, bring along this guide and you too will navigate your way to a lukewarm meal.
Seating approximately three hundred in a room that doubles as an auditorium, triples as a dance floor, quadruples as a movie theater and quintuples as an indoor badminton court, Da Shi Tan is located on the west side of Lin Da campus, opposite your apartment building. It serves breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Prepare
1. Buy a Meal Ticket Purchasing Card from somewhere. Your waiban will tell you this is a difficult procedure; indeed, he’s not really sure how it’s done. But he knows that each student is allowed only one card, and this rule is very strict. Eventually you’ll discover the Photocopy Lady keeps these cards in an old recipe box, she charges five mao each, and she’s willing to sell you ten or twenty if you’re so inclined. Your Meal Ticket Purchasing Card is about twice the size of a business card, white with green print. Read the directions carefully:
2. Purchase meal tickets from the Da Shi Tan office. They’re sold in groups of three yuan, color-coded, and display amounts in ancient Chinese characters. Review these numbers for easy recall:
一 二 三 四 五 六 七 八 九 個
3. Purchase a rice bowl from one of the local stores (six yuan). Included should be a plate that fits over the bowl to retain heat; both are made of iron and covered with a ceramic layer that soon will begin chipping away. Also buy a spoon (five mao). Don’t worry about impressing anyone with your chopstick ability – students eat with spoons, and they’ll think you strange for not using one.
4. Meal times are 5:30pm for dinner, 11:30am for lunch, and too early for breakfast. The canteen is packed ten minutes before each of these times. Da Shi Tan is a three-minute bicycle ride from your apartment building; remember to bring bowl, plate, spoon, and at least one three -yuan packet of meal tickets. The bowl and plate fit nicely onto the spring-action carry rack on the back of your bicycle – until the spring breaks, and then you’ll ride one-handed carrying your bowl. Upon arrival, lock your bicycle and head on in.
Acquire
6. Since they sell out quickly, buy a hot dish first. They’re sold from windows opposite the entrance – the ones hidden from sight by jam-packed bodies. Don’t waste any time: obtaining a warm meal depends on your speed and strategy within this shoving, steaming, in-your-ear-breathing mass of hunger. Suggested position: one arm lowered with bowl at the waist, the other hand on the shoulder ahead, torso sideways, leaning forward on the balls of your feet. Position gains and losses occur when someone leaves the windows and the crowd shifts – misalignment of shoulders or feet could cost minutes. Be especially wary of women, who exploit their smaller builds to slip under armpits. When you near the windows, thrust your bowl as far forward as possible, between the heads of those in front of you.
(If instead you choose to wait politely for your “turn,” you’ll gain only a thirty-minute helping of frustration. Won’t they see you waiting? No – they’ll see a Lao Wai who’s watching all the action and who therefore must not be hungry. Don’t expect the Chinese to abide by your ways. They’re not in your country – you’re in theirs.)
7. The names and prices of meals are printed in Chinese characters on a chalkboard above the windows. If you can’t read Chinese you’ll need to reach the windows to see what’s being served. Meals are prepared in gigantic steel bowls, but with the poor line of sight and the dinginess of the glass, you may not be able to identify the offerings. Don’t worry: if you choose the wrong meal, the server will slop your mistake back into its bowl and wait for your correction.
8. The server at the windows can’t hear much over the din, nor see your face clearly, so hand your bowl through and point at your choice. If it’s close, say “zhe ge (this)”; if it’s far, “na ge (that)”. When he reaches for the bowl and requests confirmation, affirmation is “dui,” negation “bu” – or, more commonly, a string of bu’s: “bububububububu, na ge,” then point again. Ask the price using the trusty phrase “Zhe ge duo shao qian?” By this point your verbal ineptitude will tip off the server to the fact that your hand belongs to one of the foreign teachers, and he’ll say the price with comical exaggeration: “JIU MAO (SIX DIMES)!” He’ll also know to check the meal tickets you hand him since you can’t count.
9. Meal obtained, extricate yourself from the tangle of arms and the pressing mass of bodies. Suggested technique: scoot backwards rear-first, barreling through bodies.
10. Repeat steps 6-9 at other windows to acquire rice, steamed bread or other sides.
Consume
11. Tables are small, circular, designed for four but typically seating twice that. Find one. Two or three groups of your students will wave to you from across the room. Choose carefully: you don’t want to favor one group over another through unequal attention.
12. Find a stool. Da Shi Tan has enough for about three at each table. At first your students will offer theirs, and when you refuse they’ll help you acquire one. To ask if a stool is reserved, point and ask: “You mei you ren (Have or have not a person)?” Listen intently, since the two possible answers to this question, “You (Have)” and “Mei you (Have not),” sound alike, and a muttered response in all the noise is easily mistaken. Be nimble – no stool goes unoccupied for long, and brief scuffles occur.
13. Mealtime conversations range from cultural differences to personal histories to slang (including “No way,” “You’re weird” and “Get out!”). Language gaffes abound, such as “That was a great orgy we had last night” (the danger of a good thesaurus). You may hear playful complaints about workload: “I have bought this big bowl because you are giving so much homework, I need to eat more.” A particularly favorite game is Teach Lao Wai to Speak Mandarin. Despite laughter at your attempts, your students will appreciate your efforts and provide appropriate coaching, such as “Open your mouse (mouth).”
14. A rectangular iron tray sits in the middle of the table. Here place fishbones, gristle, eyeballs and any other unwanted globs of half-chewed animal you are able to reach over, open wide, and let drop. If you can’t reach the tray, the plastic tablecloth is an acceptable point of oral deposit.
15. Students eat in the canteen; they talk anywhere else. But they’ll want to spend time with you, so they’ll compromise by conversing through full mouths. Understanding low-vocab English in a Chinese accent through mouthfuls of rice in a noisy canteen is a skill you’ll master within weeks. However, since you’ll be unaccustomed to speaking in this fashion, and since as the center of attention you’ll be required to speak a lot, invariably you’ll find yourself the last to finish eating. As much as your students will enjoy your company, they still believe the canteen is no place for talking. They’ll twitch, they’ll look around at tables of students who have long since left – yet they must remain with you or lose face. Continue eating. Skirt any awkwardness with self-deprecatory statements such as “Wo chi tai man le (I eat too slowly)” – otherwise you’ll find yourself losing too much weight.
Exeunt
16. Upon finishing say “Zou ba (Let’s go).” Everyone will head for the sinks near the entrance. Dump excess food into the overflowing garbage, then rinse out your bowl. After rinsing, many students fill their bowls with water from the taps and drink. Don’t do this. And when you get home, wash and scrub your bowl again with soap and water.
Sign of progress: in the spring, crepe paper tickets were replaced by plastic ones.
